Love radiance strength.
The day after a huge fit is always a somber day. My eyes are swollen from wiping away tears and trying to hold them back. I want to curl up in my huge quilt and watch mundane tv shows that make me not think about anything. I only want my dog around me. He is my favorite. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to sob!! A thick sob that comes from the bottom of my broken heart. My heart still hurts. It aches. I ache for a "normal" kid. I would even take a non-aggressive, non- fit throwing, non- swearing, non- breaking everything in sight, kid. But I have mine. And of course I take it. We all do. My very aggressive, fit throwing, swearing, breaking everything in sight kid. And he is 15. We all take it. Hard.
I read a blog recently about how it's a lonely lonely life being a mother of a disabled child. It is! Most of my time is spent trying to calm or help alleviate stress for my 15 year old. And when he is in a good place. I get to spend that time with my other kids. One of whom has Asperger. And when all 4 of my kids are fully charged and know how truly loved they are every second of every day. I try my best to make time for my husband. Who sadly, most of the time falls to the wayside. So having time for friends is nearly impossible. A "girls night" is a rare rare thing that's almost within reach if I can keep my eyes open past 8pm. And only if my kids are in good spaces. My husband is the most understanding, loving, kind, honest, person I have ever met. He deserves so much more.
Life goes on. We do our best. That's all we can do I suppose. We celebrate the good days. Try to get past the bad. Try to forget the bad days. While still "learning" from it.
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